Ethan Hightower's "Spanish Moss"

     This story was about three 8th grade boys Blake, Tommy, and Trig, the narrator of the story. The summer prior to becoming "men" and attending high school, they decide to smoke weed, something more "kids their age were doing," or I'm guessing the kids that mattered. The three journey into the woods and smoke a joint. After finishing, Trig notices a black suitcase or bag across the creek, and as the three swim across to check it out, they find a small grey hand poking from the bag's side. Terrified, the three run, not only from the confusion of what they've seen, but from each other. Their friendships are never the same after stumbling across a dead body.
     I thoroghly enjoyed this story, especially the narrator's voice. I found the eighth grade narration not only authentic, but humorous. The 13-14 years are hard to capture, but Ethan does a nice job of it here. I wish I could have gotten a little more insight to why the three boys never spoke about it or why they didn't tell anyone. Maybe it's just the girl in me, but my first instinct would be to discuss what the heck we just saw and then tell someone with some sort of authority like my parents, the police, etc. I wanted to see the narrator change a little more. He tells us that part of his innocence is gone, but I wanted to see it through action/dialogue in the end. Nonetheless, I like how the story ended and the plot as a whole! Also, I enjoyed the contrasting personalities of the three boys. Blake, the "goody-goody" who wears his emotions on his sleeves; Tommy, the boisterous leader of the group that must be the center of attention; and Trig, the character between his two counterparts who represents more of the general reader and a more relatable character. Though these extreme personality types are quite commonly put together in tv shows, movies, and books, I think it also works in this story very nicely. I loved all three characters and was interested in Tommy and Blake just as much as Trig. I felt satisfied as a reader when Trig tells us what happened to Blake and Tommy after the dramatic event. As a whole, I loved the story and found it extremely entertaining. I simply would have liked to see more of a change in Trig maybe through action or dialogue, but nonetheless it's a great piece!
     

Kody Blackwell's "Whatever Gods May Be"

     Told through a third person narrator, whose voice I highly enjoyed, this story focused on a religous man named Thomas Abrams and his loss of faith. Thomas began filling in for his church as the preacher after his previous one resigned. As Thomas begins to really take on his role as pastor, giving up his coaching and teacing jobs at Ambert County High School, it seems as though he simply goes through the pastorial motions: visiting members, reading his Bible daily, etc. Throughout the coming year, we slowly see Thomas begin to doubt his own faith, becoming less and less concerned about his sermons, readings, and his God. Thus, resulting in the final scene where Thomas announces to the congregation that he can no longer preach things he no longer believes in himself, and we also find his wife has birthed a son whom they named Thomas.
    I really enjoyed the narrative voice through th story, however, I wish I would have been able to possibly read it from Thomas's perspective. At times, I am not completely convinced why Thomas simply abandons his faith especially in such an exciting and life-changing time as becoming a parent. I think it would be more impressionably moving if we could see Thomas's thoughts through the process because in the end it doesn't necessarily seem to be a big deal at all. Thomas walks up to the pulpit one day and basically says he quits. It would have ben neat to see the crowd's reaction, Bethany's thoughts, or something like that. Many religious leaders in the church are very confident in what they teach and live by, therefore, I find it hard for Thomas to let go of his faith so easily. Another tiny issue I had was with the way time passed. I know in order for someone like Thomas to doubt his faith it does take time, but I wish it would have been either a short amount of time, or maybe I just wanted to see time change through desciptions rather than being told? I'm not sure, maybe I'm just being picky/weird. Along with the narrative voice, I really loved the character Bert in the story. I found myself rooting for Bert as he showered Thomas with his wisdom and advice. Also, I thought the characters were extremely realistic and relatable, especially since we're in the "Bible Belt" and I loved the settings and little details like the congregation singing the hymn, "The Old Rugged Cross," in the opening scene. All in all, this story was very well put together and I loved the whole concept of the story. The character change through Thomas was well developed and easy to spot, and I liked that I did not see the story ending with Thomas's loss of faith. It threw me for a short loop in which I enjoyed. Great work!

Response to Cole's "Secret Park"

     As I began reading this story, I was under the impression the story's primary focus would be on the "secret park" the narrator describes in the opening paragraph. However by the end, the story seemed to focus on the narrator(I don't believe it mentions his name), an overweight twenty-nine year old man, who forms a fitness plan for himself with the help of two childhood friends, James and Sean both of which workout regularly. They agree to workout at the secret park and as they get deeper into their exercises, the narrator stumbles across James having an extremely severe allergic reaction.
     I enjoyed the narrator's tone and dialogue. I found it quite believable and realistic, though I don't hang with thirty year old men on a regular daily basis. I appreciated the descriptions Cole provided in the story. As well as having great imagery, I thought the descrptions were relevant and concise enough so it did not feel forced or as if he were simply trying to fill the pages. His imagery was effective and equally significant.
     On the other hand, I am not exactly sure what the purpose of the story was or how the characters necessarily changed through the course of the story. I can see how the story sets up for a change to be implied, but I didn't necessarily find that any change was being implied about a character. I was waiting for the opening paragraph to tie into the rest of the story as well. Since the title is "Secret Park" and the introduction paragraph is focused solely on the park, I was expecting there to be more interaction with the park or that some significance would come of it. I would suggest pulling the beginning and ending together just to give the ending more closure because right now it feels as though the ending just cuts off at the climactic moment of the story. I wanted to know what happened next, what James is allergic to, how does that tie in to the sifnificance of the park, etc. Also, I would love to know maybe a little  more background information about the narrator. You could consider adding his name (I may have just skipped/missed it if his name is in the story), why all of a sudden he wants to get in shape, married or not, does he take his kids to the park? Anything like that, but they are merely suggestions. All in all, I enjoyed reading the story and I think it could be enhanced with only a few minor details/clearifications. The storyline is set up nicely, as well as the tension at the end! There's great imagery and descriptions, along with relatable and realistic characters!

Response to Laurel's "Perfect"

    Several popular quotes came to mind as I began reading this story. First, two words: Mean Girls. I could picture Rachel McAdams stomping down the halls eyeing herself in anything reflective as she did so, completely consumed with herself. The main character's selfish disdain, superficial judgements, and conceited cockiness is quite exhausting. Though her character is a little over the top and possibly a wee bit cliche, I thought Laurel meant to make the main character exactly that, because that's just how the character is. As much as I would like to think that people like her only live in movies, I know from experience with living with a similar diva-like character as a roommate that this is not true.
      I loved how the story was told in third person and yet as a reader, I did not feel as though I was being told even ounce of information and instead Laurel did a great job showing me what was going on, not just stating facts and "she said, he said's." I also enjoyed the italics, allowing us to see inside the main character's mind. Though I would like to see the same changes that the main character goes through, in this case I think it happened rather abruptly at the end. It only took a couple of no-show guys for her to change her entire image and persona that she had been building up since high school. I'm not convinced that she would give up her new identiy so easy, however, I do think the character should go through these changes and have these identity questioning thoughts, but maybe in a more subtle way, implying that she will change back to the shy girl she was. Or even imply that she's going to change back into who she really is by allowing her to have these thoughts of her uncertain identity, but then she brushes it off and fixes her hair in the mirror or something? I'm not sure, but it has lots of potential and I really enjoyed reading it! Loved the characters and the conflicting identity crisis she has in the ending. Great job!

Jhumpa Lahiri's "Once in a Lifetime"

     Told through the eyes of  Hema, but it seemes to be an older Hema telling the story through her middle-school aged point of view. This story is directed to a boy, Kaushik, whose family held a close relationship with Hema's and had to live with her. Though Kaushik is not extremely present in most of the story, he obviously had an indenting impact on her. One summer, Kaushik's  father received a good job in the U.S. forcing them to move back to America from India. Hema's family offered them to live at their home until they were able to find a home for themselves, which they are quite picky about choosing. Hema becomes a love-stricken thirteen year old, crushing on Kaushik who seems to be a regukar disdainful sixteen year old. This story follows the time the two families spent together, learning and growing from each other, especially Hema.
     Cultural diversity is a dominating theme throughout the story. Hema, who has been "Americanized," learns many cultural differences from her house guests during their time together. I found Lahiri's incoporation of American and Indian cultures refreshing and interesting due to their contrasting elements and characters. The difference in each family's culture creates a nice build up of tension by Lahiri as Kaushik's family begins to wear out their welcome. I thought Lahiri did a great job here, amongst many other places, by showing the clashing contrasts between the families: Kaushik's family had preserved their Indian culture, while Hema and her family had become Americanized. Though Hema's family saw their guests' moving as a "weakness,"Despite their families' differences, Hema and Kaushik become close or get to know each other further after Kaushik shares an important secret with her. Lahiri's descriptions and images throughout were fantastic. I thoroughly enjoyed the small details she provided. Also, I really loved how Lahiri created the story to be a sort of flashback for Hema, as if she were telling Kaushik, helping him remember their encounters, etc. I found this extremely effective and helped me to identify with Hema. I'm not exactly sure why, but Hema's character just felt relatable to me. Though the ending is a bit sad, I loved the very last line and how Lahiri chose to end it by not fully closing the story, but giving the reader enough closer to where it doesn't just end abruptly. All in all, I found this story a great read and loved Lahiri's style of writing. Although, I think I would have enjoyed it even more if it were a tiny bit shorter in length. Nonetheless, I'm very glad I got to read it and become exposed to a different and effective style of writing.

Response to "Meow" by Cary Bayless

   This story was about a boy, Cyril, who is autistic. His life seems to be filled with rejection and disconnections from people. In the first scene, where our protagonist has creepily snuck into a neighbor's bedroom to read her diary again, it is evident that he lacks consciousness of social conventions and easily gains obsessions, hence his autism. Personally, when I first read the opening scene, I pictured Steve Urkel. Maybe a more serious and deeper character, but Steve Urkel nonetheless. Throughout the story, the narrator finds something he can connect and relate to: kittens. Cyril had always considered his cat, Jimmy-Cat, to be a close friend and when Cyril found out Jimmy-Cat was really a she, and a pregnant she at that, he witnessed the birthing of not only new kittens, but the birthing of acceptance and a connection between a boy and animals that Cyril will never forget.Thus, we find the slight change in Cyril's character from being rejected and feeling disconnected from people, to discovering quite the opposite through Jimmy-Cat's kittens. Cyril's character immediately jumped out to me. I find those with autism or any other type of similar disorder extremely intriguing. I loved that Cyril's disconnection with people contrasted so well with his acceptance and connection with animals in the story. Cary did a great job putting us in the mind of this innocent boy and although it never tells us exactly what is "wrong" or different about Cyril, it is easy to conclude that his mental disability proves an interesting point of view to read from. I absolutely loved the constant incorporation of numbers throughout the story as well which enhanced Cyril nicely. I only thought of a few minor details that you could consider working in: adding how Cyril gets into his neighbor's bedroom at the beginning scene and possibly providing some background information about Cyril's relationship and interactions with people. I thought you did a great job allowing us as readers to really get inside Cyril's head and I found him very believable. Great job, I really enjoyed your story as a whole!

Response to Rhamah's "Cats"

     This story takes place at a type of Animal Clinic where our protagonist works. Though we are never given the gender of the narrator, it is easy to get a feel for the character through his/her sarcastic and dry personality. The narrator works with an older lady which is referred to as "Cat Lady." Through the narrator's descriptions, the cat loving co-worker seems to fit the typical "cat lady" mold, who probably worked at the clinic for free or as a volunteer. The narrator describes her daily chores and cat encounters, especially with a one-eyed house trained cat named Lily, whom the narrator seems to feel sorry for until Lily draws blood from a young boy who walks in the clinic looking for a cat to take home.
      I really enjoyed the narrator's sarcastic tone and how he/she was able to read people, or probably accurately judge them, like the family that comes looking for a cat. The narrator knows right off the bat that they are not the type of people to actually care for a cat, they simply wanted the "image of having a cat." A plump and lazy feline that layed in their laps and purred all day that did not shed fur, poop, or scratch-- that is their idea of a cat that fits into their "pressed" lifestyle. I also loved the descriptions of the cats and chores the narrator gives us. We are able to grasp a little insight of who the narrator was, but it would be nice to get even more.
      With that, I wish we could have seen a little more character development. I was a little unsure about the entire purpose of the story and who changed by the end, but I did thoroughly enjoy it. It would have been interesting to know who the narrator was, but I did not find it completely necessary because it did not take away from the story at all for me. I think the scene is set up nicely and has some great characters to work with. Over all, I enjoyed your piece and it could be enhanced greatly by answering a few small questions. Great job!

"Incarnations of Burned Children" by David Foster Wallace

      This story immediately begins with the arresting action of a father and mother attempting to rescue their young toddler from severe burns, but they are unsuccessful in doing so. In the end, they are out of time and their child dies. Earlier in the story, the focus weighed heavily on the dad, but towards the end, I felt as though the story's focus shifted to the toddler. In a different light, the ending's shift in focus could possibly be to comfort the parents and confirm that their child was no longer in pain? Then the primary focus of the story would be the mother and father, but it's just a thought! Each character was beautifully developed and authentically believable for me. I could see each action happening the exact way it is told, from the father running inside after hearing screams to the mother cursing and yelling out God's "first name." Though we are not provided with much background information and are not directly shown how the parents react in the ending, it is easy to assume that each character is forever changed. Whether it is for the good or the bad I am uncertain, but I do know that some change has been forced upon the characters physically, mentally, and emotionally.
       Some of the most enjoyable and brilliant components of the story for me were the narrator's emotionless tone yet ability to create emotion within the reader, and how Wallace took a completely depressing story and still provided a satisfying closure through the ending. Though the end is somewhat abrupt, readers are assured that the child has lived life "untenanted" and "whatever was lost never thenceforth mattered." The whole story is told in past tense and I guess I never actually realized it until the narrator simply summarizes the rest of the toddlers existence by looking back, which I thought was a great touch by Wallace. The only minute detail I was confused about was the title and how it's plural, "IncantationS of Burned ChildREN."  Yet there was only one story described; however, the more I thought about it, the more I assumed that this particular story was just one of many the narrator was telling or had told which would make the title accurate.
      Other elements of this story that captured my attention and that I felt worked significantly well were the title and instant climactic action. Wallace beautifully tells this tragic story through a third person narrator, whom, after finishing, I assumed was an angel-like spiritual being, or either the deceased toddler looking back and accounting the facts from a higher standpoint. Without much detail, the narrator still shows us that it is omniscient with insights into the parents' thoughts and lines such as, "and his man's mind empty of everything but purpose." I have also gathered that the narrator is quite young as it refers to the parents as "the Daddy" or "the Mommy," as well as saying things like, "the Mommy said their God's first name," enhancing the tone even more. This child-like tone contained through the entire story, is evident also in the structure. One long paragraph serves as the whole story, possessing limited punctuation with numerous extended sentences linked together over and over by "and's."
       Though Wallace does not provide many descriptions of the characters, settings, or emotions, I am still able to maintain a strong emotional connection and sympathy for the Dad and Mom, as well as the toddler. This could solely be possible because of the lack of details given, and how it is simply told through straight facts and actions that the characters take. Thus, the tone can become creepily ominous, but in a really intriguing and significant way. There is also a feel of urgency and panic as the story unfolds, espcially through the long sentences and paragraph. The traumatic event is depressing in itself, but I found it even more intense since I had to incorporate my own emotions in place of the characters. Wallace incorporates this productive strategy very well through the narration by not blatanly telling me how they feel, but simply showing me. Despite the eerie feel of the narrator, I found the consistent tone extremely effective and moving. I also thoroughly enjoyed that Wallace omitted any dialogue and personally I think if any were added, it would take away from the story and the creepy yet innocently beautiful tone would be lost. This is easily one of my favorite, if not my most favorite, story assigned to us this semester. For some odd reason it must take a  depressing story to hit home and draw out my emotion which allows me to connect with the story like this one. I would love to read more stories like this one!
   

Response to Nate's "The Summer of Lemon Drops"

       "The Summer of Lemon Drops" is about a guy who received a ticket for public intoxication after mistaking a female police officer for a "sir." The narrator's punishment is to complete community service in Florida by following a park rangr around, digging up seaturtle nests to see if there were eggs and create grates to ensure their protection. I'm not exactly sure what the narrator wants, besides not having to participate in the maditory community service. It's a little unclear what the conflict within the story is as well. Though the narrator's friend John tricks him with a fake treasure box, I kind of wish something more would have come from it. I thought the narrator would have changed a little more through the story, however, I didn't see much change. Although, it was nice to see the narrator end up caring or interested in something since we see him as a guy who doesn't seem to take interest/care into a lot of things.
       I really liked the story line as well as the narrator's voice. He has a slightly sarcastic and realistic tone which I found quite enjoyable. I wish I could have seen more of the John character, with maybe some background information on John and the narrator's relationship, or possibly just John in general. Also, I would like to see a little more conflict in the story. I was a little confused about the title as well. I kind of wanted to see the lemon drops come into play more, or maybe the title changed? Nonetheless, I liked the story and I feel that it could be improved with only a few simple and minor details!

Response to Adam Smith's "Animals"

        I really enjoyed this story which seemed to mainly focus on the relationship between a "bad boy," the protagonist, and a "good girl," Jenny. The story highlighted the insights of an unexpected relationship between two opposites through the eyes of the narrator who happens to be the "bad boy." However cliche this storyline seems, I think Adam did a good job straying away from the overused scene where the good girl falls for the bad boy, two different worlds collide, and opposites attract. This storyline even goes back to Shakespeare who capured this in his famous story of Romeo and Juliet. Nonetheless, I found it very interesting to see the spiraling thoughts of the narrator and his constant struggle with who he wants to be and who he is. The story also hits on a bit of identity search for the protagonist, which is influenced by his relationship with Jenny. The identity crisis within the narrator adds to the conflict nicely. The narrator seems to go through several ups and downs in who he is and who he wants to be. He wants to be this "bad boy" because he knows Jenny likes it, but then again he wants to change for her as well. He feels terrible when he has influenced Jenny in the end.
       Not only did the narrator change throughout the story, but so did Jenny. Both characters seemed to swap roles by the end. I liked how the characters did not clichely end with the narrator changing himself simply for her. I thought Adam did a really good job exceeding my expectations as far as how the story would end up.

Response to Taylor's "Losing Sincerity"

      This story is about a guy named Brad who juggles college and a career as a hotel manager. Brad has several issues with the power that he has through his career. Not only is he superior to his friends attending a soroity function in the hotel Brad is managing, he is also in a higher position than his girlfriend. I enjoyed the story and the storyline, however, I did not find a huge conflict within the story besides the awkwarness/decision Brad has to either do his job and be nonprofessional, or he can let his friends get away with an out of control party and possibly lose his job. Also, I was not sure that the character Brad really changed from the beginning to the end of the story. He seemed to always be a prick. Whether he knows it or not, it does not seem like he really changes any through the story's events.
      I did like the characters and their personalities. Brad seems to be a believeable character through his actions and dialogues. Also, I really liked the Alyson character. I would have liked to see more of her and what she thought about Brad. It seems as though she doesn't necessarily like Brad because he says in one part that he basically talked her into dating him. I would have liked to see more of her character and more of a central conflict in the story.

Cole Eady's "The Grind"

       This story is about a young writer named Skipper Fischer who wants to make it in "undoubtedly one of the hardest businesses to work in" and work as a comedic writer for Stewart Donahue's show "Midnight Slot with Stewart Donahue." As Skipper begins to proceed through the interview process for the job hiring, the narrator's motives change. Skipper realizes that the glamour, fame, and even experience was far from what he had anticipated it to be. Though he is given the job, Skipper turns it down. As the reader, this is a fairly surprising outcome. Personally, I just thought he was not going to get offered the job, but in contrast he did and actually turned Stewart Donahue down himself in a twist of events. The narrator changes in an extremely quick amount of time and makes a huge decision/opportunity in what seems like a matter of minutes.
       I loved the narrative voice throughout this story. I found it to be very relatable and entertaining. Many lines were quite humorous because they were so brutally honest. I think Cole did a great job with developing Skipper and allowing the reader to see what type of guy he is. The only thing I would chage or play around with is the ending. I kinda of felt as though it was somewhat rushed and that Skipper changed his mind in a matter of minutes and turns down a huge opportunity. Of course, I could have read it wrong, but i really enjoyed the story and loved Skipper's character and being able to see inside his thoughts.

Response to Kody's "Over the Counter"

       This story is about a father, our protangonist, who is unable to pay his bills and provide for his three children Jimmy, Sarah, and Ben. The narrator has a job as a pharmacy technician, but it is not enough to stablize a house of four as the only source of income. The narrator seems to be simply stuck or out of options, until a friend, Tim, suggests he sell some prescription drugs from work to sell illegally and earn more income to provide for his family. Though the dad immediaely rejects the idea at first, he soon realizes just what he has to lose: his home and family. He decides he has to try to do something even if that means going to jail and losing his family. It's almost a "catch 22" for our protagonist. The story ends with the narrator paranoid about stealing the pills he shoves into his pockets and counts how many he has taken in his head.
        I really enjoyed the entire storyline, but particularly, I loved the narrator's voice and tone throughout the peice. I thought he was extremely realistic and stayed true to his character 'til the very end. I even enjoyed the short sentences throughout. The ones that ones contained two or three words. For example on page one, when the narrator is reading the bills, "Missed payments. Final notice. Situation unresolved. Acceleration clause. Payment in full. One month." There are numerous short and to-the-point sentences that I really enjoyed throoughout the story. It made the narrator ver effective and allowed me to be able to really hear how he talked and thought. It gave me a small insight to the narrator.
        The only thing I would change or play around with is the ending. For some reason I'm not sure if I like it or not. Part of me likes that it ends with the scene of the pharmacy tech stealing drugs, creating mystery for the reader. On the other hand, I did want to know a little bit more of wat happened. Did he get caught? It could possibly be neat to end it with someone catching him and then saying that they do it too, or just ending with him getting caught? I'm not sure! Nonetheless, I really enjoyed reading the story!

Adam Smith's Story

         This story is about a young orphan named Margret who lives in England and is adopted by an extremely paranoid woman, Lucy. Margaret's main desire as she grows up beneath Lucy's care throughout the story is to live and experience life for herself instead of constantly hearing Lucy ramble about how the world is full of "wolves" and evil people. Margaret wants to break free from her sheltered life with Lucy. Soon, Margaret encounters the milk man, Marcus,whom she takes an immediate interest in. Marcus is one of the only people Margaret has let into her life and create a close relationship with, or attempts to create a close one. Consequently, Marcus turns out to be malicious and exactly the type of person Lucy had warned her adopted daughter about for years. In the end, Margaret ironically ends up seeing Lucy's point of view of the world, although it is a fairly judgemental and narrow view of the entire outside world since not everyone is like Marcus and the people Lucy has encountered.
        I really enjoyed this story and thought the story, dialouge, and even the dramatic character of Lucy to be fairly realistic and effective. I enjoyed the plot and the storyline,as well as the ending and how a wee bit of karma comes around to reach Margaret. She could have just listened to Lucy; however, where's the fun in actually doing what you're told? Nonetheless, I liked how everything tied in together and the irony in Lucy "being right about people."
        I do not have hardly any critiques except tht I wish I could have seen more into Margaret's head when she is first introduced to Lucy especially, but also how Margaret feels growing up stuck living in a constant state of panic and paranoia. I wanted to know more of how Margaret felt. Did she ever take up for Lucy if kids picked on her about her adopted mom? Also, after knowing Lucy's character, I wanted to know exactly why Lucy decided to adopt a child in the first place since she is so scared of every little thing. If I were Lucy, I don't think I would necessarily just go out and adopt a child for companionship, or at least not on the spot. I feel as though Lucy would have researched all the background on Margaret to find out where she came from, if she has ever had any issues, illnesses, random violent acts, or something along those lines. Aside from that, I really enjoyed reading the story!

Response to Ethan's "Holes Full of Dirt"

      This story was about an optimistic fifteen year old, Jeremy, who has a crush on his older friend, Ashlyn, who takes him home from school. Jeremy seems to be wanting the opportunity to impress his crush, and after she makes a small comment about his hole fuilled bumpy dirt road, Jeremy finds the perfect opportunity to impress Ashlyn with his "strength" and "work ethic," but if Ashlyn was anything like me, I'd just think hi dad filled the holes and repaired the driveway. During his attempt to fix the road, rain begins to mudy everything up, resulting in Jeremy getting his dad's truck stuck. Like many parents, Jeremy's dad realizes his son's remorse over his failed plan to win Ashlyn with his smooth driveway and maturity.
     I enjoyed the dialogue between Ashlyn, Jeremy, Denver, and even Jeremy's dad. I found it realistic and believeable. Also, I found many of the actions by each charcter very believeable. Ashlyn's older character is fairy care-freeecause she doesn't have to impress Jeremy, but Jeremy is jumping at the opportunity to show Ashyn his manly maturity. Jeremy's friend, Denver, is also very realistic. He hints that Jeremy should just come out and say that he wants to impress Ashlyn and thinks fixing his driveway is a dumb way to impress someone. Nonetheless, like many firends, he leaves Jeremy to his work. Jeremy's dad has a pretty normal and rational reaction to his son getting his truck stuck in the mud. From eperience, I know my dad would probably be a little more upset at first, but then when we realized I was simply in the driveway doing work that he never had to ask me to do, he woud be content to help me out and pull the truck from the mud.
     I only wish I could have seen a little more of what the road ended up looking like and if Ashlyn eve noticed later on. Did she think ny different of Jeremy? Did she not think anything of it? Or did she just think his dad fixed it? Nonethless, I enjoyed the story and found it humorous at times as well as insightful.

Nate Lundberg's "The Last Bit of Home-Made Sugar"

          I found that, for me, the most significant lines of the entire story were basically the last ones. The very last line seems to tie in the intriguing title, and the rest of the story. Although it can still seem a bit distant from the hurried ending because it goes from quick shallow thinking immediately to a deep profound thought, I still enjoyed the story and the thought that the last line potentially brings the reader. To me, the story was about a young guy (for some reason I'm assuming it's a male) who has a special connection and appreciation for nature, which he seemed to learn through the traditions of his family, whom he has a close relationship with. As he spends a normal holiday with his family, his uncle receives a call about a dear friend and neighbor who is having a heart-attack. As the family rushes over to the neighbor's home and wrestle several obstacles before actually getting the dieing man on his way to the hospital, the narrator reflects on the situation with a profound statement, "I stood there thinking about the world of molasses and its home made sugar and I wondered if there would be any interesting things in death."
         The narrator's tone is very personable and laid-back, which I liked and it made it easier to read with the short paragraphs. I thought the descriptions of nature throughout the peice were accurate and painted a nice authentic picture for me as a reader. Although, I would have liked to know more about the characters like the narrator's grandfather, uncle, and other family members. It would be nice to get to know their different/similar personalities, as well as their physical descriptions. For some reason, I got the impression that the narrator's culture was similar to that of Native Americans, but I could be completely wrong. I'd like to see a little more into the culture of the narrator's family and possibly some of their history, besides the making of syrup and sugar.

"Deception" by Laurel Kostakis

      As I first began reading the story, it showed to be nothing too special, just a simple story featuring a simple married older couple with two children and two grandchildren. Their lives seemed to be extremely normal, which started the story off a wee bit boring; however, now having read the entire peice, I think Laurel chose to set up the thrilling ending by creating an unsuspecting and arid exposition.
      The obvious theme and accurate title of this story is deception. Marcy believed she truly knew her husband of many years, Kevin. We, like Marcy, suspected nothing deceiving about Kevin at first. Sure, their relationship was not as intimate as it once was, but they had lived together for numerous years, raised children, and were in the process of spoiling grandchildren. It was not until Marcy called her friend, Clair, that the suspisions of who Kevin really was arose.
     Personally, I thought Laurel did a great job building the suspense up to the climactic ending. The comparison between the high energy ending and the low tempo of the first half of the story is a significant difference and to me, enhances the profound ending.
      Although I thoroughly enjoyed the story, I feel as though the ending was a little rushed. Learning of your husband's infedelity throughout your marriage,that he wanted to murder you, and that an experienced and fairly successful burgaler/murderer was also creeping in your house at the exact time your husband came into your home to kill you, is a whole lot to take in. I wish I would have been able to see more emotion from Marcy in the end. It's almost like she runs to the neighbors, calls 911, doesn't want to tell her kids about their father yet, moves out, adnd then has two dogs. I thought you could possibly omit some of the previous descriptions, maybe of Carol (?), which would leave more room for the ending and Marcy's coping. Something that dramatic and life-altering cannot be something easy to simple get over. Along with that, I did really enjoy the punch line at the end, but since the ending was rushed, I almost felt like it was too soon to joke about her situation. However, I did find "my husband bought them for me" quite humorous!
      In summation, I really liked this story, especially the hyped up ending! I love a good story of deception and scandal. Maybe I watch too many infinitesimal Lifetime movies, in which this story could absolutely air on. I thought it was set up very nicely, and I as a reader got to experience the thrill of Kevin's deception along with Marcy. I only wish I could see more of the gut-wrenching emotion Marcy must have felt afterward. I wanted to feel a little more of the deception Marcy truly felt, if she felt any at all. Maybe she was more relieved that she was still alive? Maybe she didn't enjoy her marriage anyways? I would just like to see how Marcy felt about it maybe a few days afterward. Other than that, I thought it was well thought out and I really liked each of the characters. For me, they were mostly realistic and effective.

Response to T.C. Boyle's "Love of My Life"

       Maybe it's because I'm a cliched hopeless romantic, not one of my most admirable qualities, or maybe it's because of the disturbingly distraught storyline that draws me into Boyle's story; nonetheless, I surprisingly enjoyed Boyle's tragic story and even style of writing. I loved the short sentences throughout the story, not lingering on and on, and allowing each short line to sound even more profound, filled with emotion, yet extremely straight forward. I really enjoyed the realistic tone and reactions from each character. I found them very effective and relatable.
       This tragic story is about a high school couple, Jeremy and China, who seem to possess a deep sense of "love" of what they think love should be for each other, which for them was extremely physical as it is for most hormonal high schoolers in relationships, than many experience in such a short amount of living. However, through the story, we do get an insight into their relationship and it does seem as though they contain a deep connection maybe due to their physicality, nonetheless, their connection is somewhat emotional. Jeremy and China seem to be the cliche version of a senior couple-- China as the intelligent, diligent, and over achieving student accepted to her first choice college, while Jeremy is the laid back, easy-going, but also a very bright guy. As the story progresses, we find that they are forced into a dilemma, China is pregnant and wants to keep the baby, but doesn't want anyone to know she's pregnant. The ultimate theme I got from the story is that no matter how much you love someone, actions have consequences. You cannot solely act without thinking of the repercussions.
       There were consequences when Jeremy and China had sex--China became pregnant. There were consequences when China decided to birth the baby and keep it a secret--an undoubtedly dangerous birthing. There were consequences when Jeremy threw their baby into the dumpster--China and Jeremy were arrested. Several of these lifelong consequences could have been prevented, if only they had thought them through more cautiously and rationally. Yet, on the other hand, they are only eighteen years old. Barely legal, but old enough to know right from wrong.
       Along with the theme of consequences, I also see the important insights into a pregnant teen's thoughts and her partners. Since the pregnancy rate of high school students is rising, I think this peice is exceptionally relevant to today's society. For many of us, without having experienced a pregnancy through the transition of high school to college, it is easy for us to say "oh, that's tough" or "that sucks." However, through this story, we are able to see and experience the difficulties of dealing with the emotional and physical pains of high school relationships, a pregnancy during freshman year of college, and the confusion of wht to do afterward. This story could definitely be used to help girls and guys going through the same situations to rationally think about the situation they are in, nd the consequences of their actions. Boyle also ties in the theme of love through the story. With each trial, literally and figuratively, Jeremy and China's love for one another proves strong. It is easy to conclude this from the last few lines, "He was Jeremy. He was the love of her life. And she closed her eyes and clung to him as if that were all that mattered."

Aimee Bender's "Off"

       I found this story to be about a very harsh woman who has made it her goal to make-out with three men at a party she is attending: a blond, a brunette, and a red head. As we enter the mind of the blunt and judgmental woman with the never-questioned make-out goals, we follow her as she begins to succeed through the night, kissing the red head first. Her true and mainly malicious side shines through her materialistic personality quickly. In many instances, we are able to see her as a heartless and cruel woman who was born into a wealthy inheritance, in which she has never regretted. She seems to be extremely bored with life,and her only way of making it interesting is to play with people and to manipulate them. For example, I saw this prominent during the scene where the narrator explains that she knew the party's host previously and used to buy her clothes that her mother would never approve of, simply so the host could try them on and blush when she received compliments from the deceiving woman. the host would never wear them outside of the closet, but she secretly enjoyed being able to be "rebellious" and at least try them on. Though the woman encouraged the host to wear the clothes outside of the closet, it never happened. This particular scene could also be seen as a good quality the narrator possess, but we the readers must question her motives due to the previous insights we have of her.
       It almost seems as though every time I begin to somewhat like that narrator, she goes and does something completely evil, or says something unnecessary about another person attending the party. Her motives are never pure or good it seems. Although we do get to see one scene where the narrator thinks back of her Great Dane dog she once owned. She describes its death, and we want to believe that the narrator is capable of some kind of feeling or emotion. She gives us a splint second of hope, and then quickly changes the subject. Also, we are able to see her interaction with her ex-boyfriend, Adam. Obviously, Adam is someone she did care about on some level, no matter how shallow, and we can see that he is someone who made an impression on her because she still seems to care about him.
       Although the narrator is an unlikable character, she is someone I wanted to read about. I wanted to know just how mean and deceitful she could get. Even with her brutal comments, manipulative nature, snobbishness, judgmental views, and moody attitude, she is still a character who draws readers in. Since she has no shame and apparently no connection to anything or hardly anyone, she is such a bold character that many readers are intrigued by, even though she is hated.

Response to Rhamah's "Leaving"

          This short story for me focused a lot on identity and finding yourself. The narrator, Bethany, speedily takes us through her voyage of eventually becoming asexual through a series of events with her best friend and ultimately her girlfriend, and not the girl that’s just a friend type. To me, Bethany seemed to be almost aimlessly walking through life. Adolescents and childhood is hard enough for most people, especially during the confusing identity crisis phases when teens struggle with who they are, who they want to become, and finding themselves. For Bethany, she seems to still be in this phase. It seems to me that she simply wants to find herself and her sexuality in which she is lacking. There are a few times when Bethany seems confused, but goes with the flow anyways, especially in the beginning when Katherine made her first move on Bethany with a kiss.

            I really enjoyed the narration and insight we received from Bethany. She provided a little humor and lots of significant background information. Though this was a speedy run through of her and Katherine’s relationship as children to young adults and how she found her lack of sexuality, the narrator provides the right amount of information to allow the reader to accurately follow the story while also receiving insight into other characters. Not only are the grade by grade and year by year little excerpts effective, but the small one-liners about a character helped develop them and give us insight into who they are. One example of this is when Bethany talks about Katherine telling her she thinks she is gay, “I saw one of her hands come up to pick at her face, something she did when she was nervous. Her mom hated it.” I thought little facts like saying that her mom hated when she picked at her face was unique and gave us just a wee bit more of information about Katherine’s character.

                The dialogue throughout was really effective and significant without giving the reader too much unnecessary information. I thought most of the dialogue was realistic, and there were only a couple of instances where I did not think Bethany or Katherine would really say that, such as when the narrator goes from a sarcastic youthful tone and then swaps to a very literary writing tone by saying, “…she gave me so long ago,” or just little nitpicky things like that. I also thought the structure matched the story in which they both flowed very well, even from year to year, or story to story. The story was tied together quite nicely and I found it very insightful.

               

Response to J.J.'s "Lessons"

For me, this story seemed to be about an American boy who is unwillingly receiving advice from an old Italian man on a train, who sees the boy as naïve, but surprisingly enough, the end of the story amusingly revealed in a twist that the boy who knew exactly what the sly old man was preparing the entire time he spilled his “wisdom” to the young boy. Both characters turned out to be pickpockets and the young boy got the better of the old man. Looking back, I would say the story is about appearances, and that they are not always what they seem to be. We always hear the saying, “don’t judge a book by its cover,” and this was a comedic and refreshing way to view that phrase. Along with that, this story also says that not only can the young learn from older generations, but the older generations are never too old or experienced to learn from a younger generation. At the beginning of the story, I thought the young boy was going to experience some life changing lesson, when really the old man was the one who learned the lesson. This too leads to an extremely similar theme of the story—never underestimate someone, or in this case, your victim or opponent.

This story is told from the 3^rd person; however, I would like to see how it turned out if it were written in 1^st person. Through the 3^rd person narrator, we are able to see both the old man and the young boy clearly, but we also tend to get what the young boy is thinking in his head. Contrastingly, we are unable to see what the old man is thinking. I think it would be neat to see a little bit of what the old man was thinking throughout. Did he not suspect anything until the very last paragraph? Did he think he had won? Did the old man spot the young boy from a distance? Maybe it wouldn’t be very effective since we technically can fill in these blanks without the information actually written down in front of us, but nonetheless it could be a neat addition.

I found the dialogue throughout the story very realistic and effective. I like that the talking was concise and not a whole lot of insignificant chatter. I could imagine the words actually being spoken. Also, I thoroughly enjoyed the great imagery and descriptions of the train, boy, man, expressions, etc. They were extremely successful in the story for me. I enjoyed the sarcastic tone the young boy and narrator took on in the story as well, especially at the end, “What an awful simile.” I was really surprisingly pleased that much of the sarcasm and twist remained at the end. I did not find it cliché or predictable. I honestly thought it was going to end with some profound moment with the young boy lamenting on some life changing advice from the old man, but I am certainly glad I was wrong.

Response to Lauren's "New Coach" Short Story

      For me, this story was extremely relatable since Kaylee and myself have both torn our ACL's. Gross. It sucks. Competitive cheerleading, along with softball, was a huge part of my life for a very long time; thus, I know exactly what Lauren had in mind throughout this story. I saw the main focus of the short story as Kaylee's harshly intense experience with her new competitive cheerleading coach, Alex. I enjoyed Kaylee's character and thought she was pretty accurate. From my experience, generally many talented and hard working athletes do what they are told. In this case, following Alex's ridiculous directions leads Kaylee to tear her ACL, resulting in painful surgery and several weeks/months of recovery. Though we have a third person narrator here, we still see get to see things from Kaylee's point of view to an extent. It would be nice to actually see these things instead of being told though. For example, allow the reader to see the agonizing pain of an ACL tear. We hear the long speeches Alex gives, but show some reactions from other squad members including the parents. I think if some emotion or reactions from other characters throughout the story would help the reader identify more with the story. Allow us to see what is happening rather than simply telling us. Adding some imagery throughout by describing the setting, characters' physical descriptions, etc.
      As far as characters go, I liked Kaylee's character and that she decided to walk out on her new coach, Alex, in the end. Alex, however, seems a bit over the top. I have definitely experienced these types of coaches, but we have always benefited from the harshness of these types of coaches like Alex. Though cliche, I do love a good sports story so I thought it would be neat to end the story by saying something about how they gained so much from Alex, although he's a total douche. I would love to see more of who Alex is besides the rough exterior front he has. Maybe Kaylee experiences some one-on-one time with him where he opens up to her? Or she catches him doing something unexpected (nothing gross or anything-more like something sweet we wouldn't expect from his character)? Just a few suggestions so the reader is able to find some depth and understand why the character acts this certain way.
     I thought the ending was a wee bit rushed, as though Lauren wasn't sure exactly how to end it or even uncertain of where to go with it while still keeping it a short story. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the sports theme of the story and the effective dialogue throughout. I found in very realistic!

Response to Cary Bayless's "Mountain Blood"

      This story seemed to be about the overcoming of a great loss to the main character, Chad. Throughout the story, the reader is given background information about a tragic night when a serial killer "damaged" his girlfriend ultimately killing her before he got the chance to ask her, Julia, to marry him througha  series of flashbacks. This story shows the struggle Chad has with dealing with the loss of not only his girlfriend, but the love of his live, and also having to witness it all. This obviously takes a huge toll on Chad, seeing as he still keeps the ring he once put on Julia's finger as she laid in a deadly coma. I believe this story has a strong message and mostly because Cary does a great job developing the characters in such a short amount of time. I knew enough about each character to make the story work and flow nicely. Chad has an internal conflict within himself over the tragic loss of Julia. He wants to be able to move on, but death is a tough and touchy subject, in which Cary makes it work here, tugging at the reader's heart strings. Chad definitely goes through a change in the end of the story. After losing Julia's ring,  he seems to be coming to terms with her death and what happened to them; however, at the end we do not see Chad fully change, but we see the hope that there will eventually be a time that he can overcome the tragedy and be able to completely move on.
     The time period throughout the story was a little unclear to me. Not that it really mattered to me, because I was so into the story, I did wonder for a split second how long it had been since Julia died and how long Chad had been working in the mountains. Also, I was curious to how Julia eventually died. Did they have to pull the plugs on her? Did she ever show signs of recovery? Did she dies from something different? Nonetheless, I thought the unanswered questions kept it interesting and did not take away from the story for me as a reader. In fact, it allowed me to fill in the blanks for myself and add my imagination into it, ultimaltely allowing me to connect to the story. I really enjoyed this story and the plot. the characters and dialogue were effective to me and I think Cary did a great job!

Resonse to Jeremy's short story "Dreams"

      Jeremy, I did enjoy your short story. I thought your dialogue was effective and fairly realistic. Since basically the whole story is in dialogue, it is important that your dialogue between the characters Hikari and Sora to be realistic and significant. Although i did find some things repetitive, such as "she," but overall it was pretty realistic. Having so much dialogue allows the story to lack in detail. I would have liked to see more physical details about the characters and the setting. I'm not exactly sure how you would incorporate them because I don't want the descriptions to disrupt the flow of the story because I thought it flowed nicely throughout, but I would attempt to add some descriptions throughout the story about each character and the karate training setting. Along with that, I really would have liked to see Sora and the captain's relationship develop a little bit. The background information between the two helped me as a reader and also Hikari understand who Sora is and why he acts the way he does.
      I liked how you made the story focus on Sora even though it was mainly from Hikari's point of view. I thought you did a good job with the viewpoints and allowed the reader to see almost Sora and Hikari's viewpoints. Thus, I kind of wish I would have been able to see some things from the captain's viewpoint and see a little insight into who the captain is. I feel as though you could create a scene or two between the captain and Hikari or how the captain acts around Sora now, besides when they were young and the captain stood up for Sora.
      Overall, I enjoyed your story and thought it was very entertaining. For a short story, your characters were pretty well developed and your dialogue was effective, allowing the reader to trust you as an author. Great job!

Response to Richard Bausch's "1-900"

           The title of Bausch’s short story at first glance gave me no insight to what the story would contain, but as I read deeper into the story I realized it signified the sex chat line that John, the main character had called. Bausch chooses many interesting tactics and approaches to this short story. First, he chose to write the entire story in dialogue. Thus, the reader learns about John, Sharon, Kate, and John’s kids through dialogue and not descriptions by a narrator. Each line is either John or Sharon speaking through a phone. Another interesting approach is the story in general. An odd talkative character calls a phone sex line to basically blurt out his personal life issues. I found this quite humorous throughout; especially when John began talking about deeper ethical issues like the prostitutes choosing to follow certain laws when they have chosen a “career” that goes against the law.  Honestly, I do think John wanted to eventually get to the “sex part” like he says, but he obliviously and annoyingly seems to go off on tangents about his life. As Sharon begins to play the game by answering personal questions, I also found it humorous that John ends up turning Sharon off, who uses phone sex as a job. I would think it would take a whole lot to turn someone like that so off that they cannot even pretend to be interested or please the random person on the other side of the phone. I mean, she does it for a living! No wonder Kate divorced John. He seems a little creepy to me too. However, I thought the story was humorous and entertaining, but it wasn’t my favorite short story we have read so far. I kept waiting for something to happen, but nothing big ever really showed up. Of course, the whole “phone sex” theme made the story interesting, but I wish something beyond just talking on the phone could have happened.

Response to Denis Johnson's "Emergency"

       I found Johnson's short story through a stoner's eyes extremely entertaining and interesting. The dream-like quality and haziness throughout the story actually kept my hand turning each page to read what would happen next. Although many dramatic things happened, such as running over a rabbit, saving its babies, removing a knife from a man's eye, etc., the story lacked any sort of build-up. This made it difficult for me to become emotionally attached to the story or even the characters. The flat tone of how the story is told by the narrator and the odd responses each character has towards events, seem to make it a little disconnected to me as a reader; of course, that could just due to Georgie and the narrator being on high on stolen hospital drugs. For example, Georgie miraculously removes a knife from a man's lustful eye, and a nurse's only response to it is that Georgie needs to tie his shoe laces. Since these records are being recalled from the narrator's point of view and he says several times that he's not positive on all the details, some disconnection from the story and the reader also comes into play because we as readers do not see the narrator as a valid source for information. Also, the flat tone for me brought in a sense of humor because of the irony of the story. Heavy themes of death, failure, escape, guilt, saving lives, and even sight, are shown throughout the piece, but yet  they are presented in a light or passive way. Plus, the two main characters are high. As a whole, I did enjoy Johnson's short story. It made me laugh, search for a deeper meaning in the story, and confused me, but in a good way. Though as a reader I felt a little emotionally disconnected, it actually made me use my imagination to put myself in the main character's shoes.

A First World Pain - Television exercise

A First World Pain

By Jessica Mullino

Getting paid to lie on the couch, watch television, and raid a family’s pantry? I guess it can’t be that bad. I mean, that’s basically what I would do at home anyways, except for getting paid in cash I would more than likely be paid in yells ringing through the house from my mom, why aren’t you doing anything tonight? Or, if you’ve got all this time on your hands go fold your clothes or clean your room! Babysitting two small girls between the ages of five and seven on a Friday night doesn’t exactly lie at the very top of my high school bucket list, or even at all really, but I figure doing a sweet couple that I know through church a favor this one time wouldn’t completely kill me, although it would diminish my “twelfth weekend in a row hanging out with my friends in the middle of a field” record.

            After calling the Stiff’s, I gathered their address, 1147 Flatwood Road, that they would only be gone two to three hours at the most, and that they were paying me fifty dollars for the whole night. Two or three hours for fifty bucks? Not bad, Stiff family. Since I’m only sixteen, I’ll take any money I can get. Plus, all I’m going to do is watch my absolutely favorite television channel anyways.

            Channel forty was airing the final episode to the Missing series, in which a seventeen year old blonde girl goes missing. Though cliché, this thrilling series has captured my Tuesdays from 6:00pm-7:00pm. In the last three seasons, I’ve never missed a show, nor am I about to. With each episode, my heart beats faster and faster becoming attached to the helpless parents, shady policemen, and untrustworthy friends of the petite blonde. Tonight’s airing will answer all the questions I’ve been longing to know. Why is she missing? Is she alive? Who kidnapped her? Etc. Basically, this episode was expected to top every television show ever created. Tonight it goes down in history.

            As I arrived at the Stiff home, they welcomed me into their two-story home. The walls’ colors were warm and inviting, painted with soft desert tans and reds. Smells of cinnamon and vanilla filled the rooms as they toured me through each of the rooms, upstairs and downstairs. Mr. and Mrs. Stiff smiled and introduced their two young daughters, Kelly and Kameron. As they began to make their way towards the door, giving Kelly and Kameron kisses and reviewing the “be good” speeches, I glanced in the living room. Hmm… no television.

            “Oh, Mrs. Stiff, I didn’t see a T.V. earlier, where do y’all keep one?” Kelly and Kameron looked at me with annoyed faces as their mom joyfully explained that they did not own one. It is an evil device that “corrupts young minds.” I was in shock.

“What? NOOOO!” Mrs. Stiff smiled and bid us farewell as she winked and walked out the door.

Response to Lydia Davis's "Television"

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Lydia Davis’s short short-story, Televsion. This piece was definitely easy to identify with and read through due to the speaker’s informal tone and the types of television shows the speaker describes. Davis gives the speaker a very dry, but humorous, and seemingly sarcastic, tone through her honest words. Each line seems to weave in and out of sociological and sensory observations as well. “We listen to the ads until we’re exhausted, punished with lists: they want us to buy so much, and we try, but we don’t have a lot of money. Yet we can’t help admiring the science of it all.” One of Davis’s advanced skills seems to be breaking down an experience without letting her prose turn analytic, or distant. Along with these details, Davis uses significant concrete images throughout each scenario. One of the most vivid scenes in which concrete images are described is when the speaker explains the emotions a father expresses through the tears that swell in his eyes with pride on a quiz show week after week. The speaker also describes other characters from the one quiz show that “is particularly good,” with great imagery. The mother, whom the speaker does not like, flashes a constant smile with her “bad teeth” and the boy who blinks at the television.

                Davis shows another huge strength of hers through her effective movement from topic to topic. Although she does number paragraphs from 1-3, she is able to create a rhythmic flow throughout the entire piece by covering several topics such as television shows, movies, connections between audience and characters, as well as her reasoning behind watching television at night to waste time, and still tie each of them together creating a satisfying closure. Each paragraph seems to go in chronological order as the day passes by which helps the flow of the story. The structure of this short short-story is also very unique in itself. Davis allows her story to be read easier due to her unique line breaks that happen frequently. Several times throughout the story Davis skips two or three lines between paragraphs and indents only certain lines instead of indenting the first line of each new paragraph.